- Me: my toe REALLY itches. What if I get gangrene and they have to cut it off?
- Husband: it'll take a lot for you to get gangrene.
- Me: but what if it itches so much they have to remove it?
- Husband: then I will call you "old 9 toes"
- Me: but I'm not old. You're older anyways.
- Husband: then I will call you "solo market trip"
- Me: *dying of laughter*
- Me: honey what time are we gonna eat the baby? OMG I mean FEED the baby!
- Husband: well that's a modest proposal...
- Husband: would you like an Oreo while you nurse?
- Me: sure! (Takes a bite)
- Husband: I think our son appreciates the irony
- Me: .....
- Me: (eating an ice cream cone)
- Husband: uh, what? Whe-where did you get that? When did you get up? I turn around and all the sudden you're sitting there, eating an ice cream cone! You're an ice cream ninja!
- Me: (still eating the ice cream come) I got up a few minutes ago...
- Husband: you're a cold stone Icecream killer...you're Baskins & Robbin people...you aren't being friendly with that ice cream...
- Me: you must be cold stoned to think that's funny!
- Husband: I just looked at the expiration date on the milk-it says April 1st. Now I don't know what to believe.
We’ve had a decent amount of new followers the past few days. And by a decent amount, I mean like 4.
I think that’s the most we’ve had in one go round….
My husband says its due to his humor and impeccable wit. We all know its because you guys find me hilarious.
Ok fine. You’re holding out for funny stories and pics of the world’s cutest baby-our son, duh. Totally understandable. You can’t help but succumb to his cuteness.
Anyways. Welcome my lovelies and I hope you enjoy our spousanity as much as we do. Please share our blog if you find us as hilarious as we think we are.
- Husband: I'm gonna try to go poop. I've been stopped up all day.
- Me: take some mucinex. It loosens everything up & gives you the runs for three days & makes your butthole hurt.
- Husband: you should be a salesman. You sold me right there. You have a whole campaign! Instead of the snot dude for mucinex, he can be a blob of poop. Way to go Hun!
Me: is it sad that when I’m watching these teen dramas that I think about exactly how I would parent in that situation? Like exactly what I would do better than them?
Husband: you’re a parent now baby. It’s your job to judge other parents.
- Me: baby, how many r's are in "marriage"?
- Husband: (silently judging me) uh... It's two..
- Me: hey! You try having two languages in your head where it's the same word but one has one R and the other has 2! It's hard to remember!
- Husband: you don't have to spell it out for me.
- Me: I see what you did there.
- Me: Is the ketchup on the table? And the salt?
- Husband: (indignantly) you're gonna put ketchup AND salt on your home fries?
- Me: uh...yea. I always do. Why?
- Husband: that is so bad for you!
- Me: (laughing). Uh pot? Kettle? Black? You put half a bag of cheese between two tortillas regularly.
- (We go and sit down to dinner)
- Me: You're saying its bad for me because ketchup is high in sodium?
- Husband: yep
- Me: well cheese is high in heart attacks
Writing posts while feeding the baby at 3 am causes a lot of typos.
Always speak the truth, your feelings and your mind but pay mind how you do it. Being honest is a great virtue but don’t think that it gives you the right to be mean. Being honest doesn’t equate being hurtful, negative, or nasty (even if those names you want to call the person may be true-to you). Being mean gets you no where and won’t make you happy.
There is an art in being honest yet nice, positive and tactful-master it. Watch people interact and discover who is successful in relationships and communication (like your awesome parents) and who is not. Then look for the why and how. How did they phrase their feelings about a bad situation? How did they react to what was said? How did they make progress? Never say anything in a relationship that is not going to help it grow stronger.
People fight; but what makes a couple grow and get closer together after a fight versus what pushes them apart? It’s all in how they express themselves and how it’s received. It’s better to say “I feel sad when you don’t confide in me” then to say “you never tell me anything!” (Why? Because when confronted with a “you!” statement, people get defensive & lash out. When confronted with how someone feels about their actions, they feel responsible and want to make amends! Making amends is progress towards resolution and growth.)
There are always three sides to the story-yours, theirs and the truth. Most wise parents would tell you to understand the truth, I’m telling you to understand all three sides (does this make me more wise? Who knows..). Put yourself in the other person’s shoes to try and understand why they reacted the way they did. Then look at yourself and see what you contributed-how you said things vs. how you meant them. Sometimes what we mean and how we come off are two different things. Look at yourself some more. How did you interpret what the person said? Did you really understand their meaning? Look at the big picture to see other factors that may be going on. Never assume anything. Seeing the big picture will make you empathetic and help you to communicate better. It takes practice.
It’s also important to remember that, unfortunately, this is not a level playing field. There are those out there who may be “adults” but act like children (& vice versa). When you have tried to express your feelings in a positive and healthy way and the other person is overly offended and lashes out-DON’T ENGAGE. Either walk away or simply state “we can talk about this later when we have both calmed down.” If you engage, you will only feed the crazy fire and make yourself even more angry. It’s always better to be the bigger person (no matter how much it sucks). You’ll have the satisfaction of being the sane adult-and that’s always preferable.
Try not to get into close relationships with these kinds of people. Unfortunately they are everywhere and you do know how to deal with them, but you do not need to accept this kind of behavior in your personal life. Make sure the one you marry & the friends you keep are as healthy and effective communicators as you are. If not, they will just cause heartache, drama, stress and sadness in your life. So try to keep them out and hold out for high standards of adult behavior (fyi- “adult” does not mean stiff and serious! Adults can be fun and still be responsible, respectful and mature! Find people who are a good mix of fun and responsible, mature and relaxed, emotional and stable).
Lastly, always treat those who do a service for you (cashiers, waitresses, hairdressers, etc) with open communication, kindness, professionalism, and generosity. If they do not do the same for you, walk away and find someone new. Do not waste your money on anyone who will treat you poorly or not live up to the service they claim to provide. You don’t need to pay for subpar service or for someone to treat you like crap.
The bottom line is have high standards and expectations for adults to act and communicate like adults. And for those who can’t, don’t encourage bad behavior; lead as an example of what should be. That’s more satisfying than any name calling or argument could be.
I know you will grow up to be a great man.
With immense love,
I hate the phrase “boys will be boys” and I think it should be replaced with “bad parenting results in assholes”
(Our beagle came inside today holding our newborn’s pacifier that has a stuffed monkey attached to it. She is the stuffed animal serial killer! So, hence the email subject line to my husband…)
Sent: Friday, February 01, 2013 3:09 PM
Subject: Re: Bad beagle
Btw does the subject line of this email make you think of dr. Who too? Just our family version of it…
Sent: Friday, February 01, 2013 3:12 PM
Subject: Re: Bad beagle
If any member of our family were going to start a world wide secret organization bent on the capture of a time travelling extra terrestrial, it would totally be Beags.