The insane things my spouse says to keep me sane.

October 3, 2014 8:02 pm

What's the word?

  • Husband: (coming home from the grocery store). They didn't have any of those....uh....what is it? It's a meat bath...
  • Me: wha-
  • Husband: marinade! (Pause) Jesus. Am I so tired that I called a marinade a meat bath?!
February 20, 2014 7:22 pm

After seeing a mom cave on a commercial...

  • Husband: you can't have a mom cave.
  • Me: well you can't have a dad cave.
  • Husband: I can have a man cave. So you can have a lady cav-oh. Hmmm. You may already have one of those.
February 18, 2014 5:16 pm
Voice texting is more polite than my husband!

Voice texting is more polite than my husband!

November 23, 2013 10:09 am

Best confirmation email ever. Thanks firebox.com!

November 18, 2013 2:50 pm

I think the thermometer is broken

  • Husband: have you taken your temperature lately? Has your fever gone down?
  • Me (hopped up on cold meds): funny you should ask that. I just did and it told me it was a 36.7. I don't think I'm dead? Wouldn't I feel better if I was dead? I mean I probably wouldn't have this pressing urge to pee and no energy to get up if I died from this cold.
  • Husband: is the thermometer set to Celsius instead of Fahrenheit?
  • Me: we live in America! Why would the thermome- oh shit. How did that happen?
  • Me: ...yes it was in Celsius. That makes a lot more sense. So great news! I'm not dead!
November 16, 2013 11:05 am

A transformation of sorts

  • Husband (while playing skyrim)- were bear powers, cool.
  • Me- a were bear is cognizant of his actions!
  • Husband-most weres aren't aware of what they are doing.
  • Me- yes but he's an AWAREbear!
November 5, 2013 7:06 pm

"I'm an idiot"

  • Husband: (talking to the baby) I'm gonna put you down on the floor with your toys, so don't cry. I'm gonna go draw you a bath.
  • Me: (also talking to the baby) but not with crayons.
  • Husband: (to me) wait, you bought bath crayons? He'll love that.
  • Me: (staring blankly at my husband waiting for him to understand).
  • Husband: (realization dawns on his face as he shakes his head). I'm an idiot!
November 2, 2013 10:39 am

Hipster Baby Instagram- spousanity’s baby’s first Halloween costume

September 30, 2013 7:22 am August 24, 2013 10:05 am

Garage to car

  • Me: is it nice outside today?
  • Husband: I don't know. I just went garage to car.
  • Me: garage to car is a wonderful thing.
  • Husband: yea, if you don't like the outdoors.
  • Me: exactly.