The insane things my spouse says to keep me sane.

February 20, 2014 7:22 pm

After seeing a mom cave on a commercial...

  • Husband: you can't have a mom cave.
  • Me: well you can't have a dad cave.
  • Husband: I can have a man cave. So you can have a lady cav-oh. Hmmm. You may already have one of those.
February 18, 2014 5:16 pm
Voice texting is more polite than my husband!

Voice texting is more polite than my husband!

January 25, 2014 8:42 am
The Questions That Will Save Your Relationships | Glennon Melton

I love this article. Came across it on Facebook and wanted to share it with our tumblr family.

Asking GOOD questions is something I struggle with in my day to day interactions. This piece gives good advice on how to do that and more importantly, how to LISTEN. What good does a good question do if you don’t genuinely listen to the answer?

Too often in life we just tick off the boxes of what we are supposed to do. It’s lead to a world of diplomatic, inauthentic people. If we focused a little more on being authentic to ourselves, doing what we want because we genuinely want to instead of have to, and showing our affection to others in the way they need it, I think we’d all feel a little more loved.

January 7, 2014 8:00 pm

Holy sheet!

With baby boy turning a year old this week, my husband and I have been trying to stop cursing so much. Little man is talking so much and his babbling is actually starting to sound like to words and he is mimicking a lot of what we are saying. So I have encouraged my husband to replace those not so great words with funnier ones.

Here are snippets:

[baby kicks him]

"Oh fuuuudgesickles that hurt!"

[shit talking while playing jeopardy]

"You can kiss my sugar plum"

[more shit talking]

"Do you what? Think I’m better at this game than you? You bet your sweet sugar plum I am!"

[asking to pick my phone off the floor for me since the dogs were laying on me]

"I can’t move. I’ve got snitches on me"

[me bending over to pick something up]

"Nice sugar plum!"

January 6, 2014 9:53 pm

A new...direction?

  • Husband: so, I heard a song on the radio that I actually kinda liked. It's by one direction. It's more...mature.
  • Me: I'm sorry. When did you grow a 13 year old vagina?
9:45 pm

I'm so tired, I'm funny

  • Me: (watching my husband play assassins creed 4)
  • instead of calling it jerking off, do you think pirates call it walking the plank?
January 4, 2014 11:20 am

I'm hot, but not that hot.

  • Me: you know what I want?
  • Husband: what?
  • Me: cinnamon rolls. I'm hungry.
  • Husband: you can cook them yourself, you know.
  • Me: nah, I think the oven would do a better job.
December 26, 2013 8:16 pm

The size of Texas

  • Me: (pointing to the overly lit new Texas road house restaurant). That is way too bright!
  • Husband: one could say it's AUSTIN-tious!
November 23, 2013 10:09 am

Best confirmation email ever. Thanks firebox.com!

November 18, 2013 2:50 pm

I think the thermometer is broken

  • Husband: have you taken your temperature lately? Has your fever gone down?
  • Me (hopped up on cold meds): funny you should ask that. I just did and it told me it was a 36.7. I don't think I'm dead? Wouldn't I feel better if I was dead? I mean I probably wouldn't have this pressing urge to pee and no energy to get up if I died from this cold.
  • Husband: is the thermometer set to Celsius instead of Fahrenheit?
  • Me: we live in America! Why would the thermome- oh shit. How did that happen?
  • Me: ...yes it was in Celsius. That makes a lot more sense. So great news! I'm not dead!